February 23, 2020

Week Recap

Been a few days, I’ve just been tired by the time I get home. I pretty much just ate and watched a couple youtube videos before going to bed. So let me play quick catch up

Love: (Events in order, older to newest )

  • The texts were getting far in-between
  • I asked if everything okay, she was a little closed
  • after reassuring, she opened the gates just a little.
  • couple of things but the most important one was
  • admitting she thinks she made a huge mistake about breaking up
  • She just needs time to deal with a few things. ( ex/baby father stuff)
  • I committed I’m okay with waiting. she was happy with that
  • rebuilding
  • talked about seeing each other for maybe breakfast or lunch this week
  • shared a kiss emoji.

Yes so okay that was random words but the TL;DR is I feel we released we might have rushed things a bit and we are restarting over and rebuilding.

Work:

So I’ve become very aware on how shitty of a company this is. It seems like its a ma & pa store just starting to go corporate. I can see some potential to move up in the company. I have noticed some drama between workers and supervisors/managers. There’s some Union bullshit going on as well. I’m going to use this and my tech skills to get a better paid job for doing some super easy task. One potential issue is the client and client relations. The client is well known to executing really stupid stuff when the provincial government changes parties or budgets need to shift, etc.

On a side note the client’s employees while some super friendly and laid back or just plain old bitch are all super backing stabbing drama queens/kings. They all love to talk and gossip and it spreads from store to store. While appears friendly and great most of the time it is a very toxic workplace.

So, at one location which I will almost outright refuse to go back is a super small and jam packed store in a very bad area. The CCTV monitor was in a super bad location which only had standing room and having to move when ever employees need by which was quite often. The office was elevated up a bit and the whole front half of the office was 1-way glass which makes for great visibility in the small store. Sadly the office lights were too bright and just reflected on the glass back into your eyes making it very hard to see clearly out. Almost like putting on the orangish yellow sunglasses. The store was just not designed for security and asset protection. I kinda felt bad for my partner as I checked out after the first two hours. If it wasn’t for my partner you could have emptied the place and I wouldn’t have care. So many things happen all day long.

Code:

Did some coding but kinda not feeling it tonight.

So that wraps the week up really.. I’m off sunday and going to dimsum. Haven’t had that for a while.

Song: Beach House – On the Sea

Out on the sea we’d be forgiven
Our bodies stopped the spirit leaving
Wouldn’t you like to know how far you’ve got left to go
Somebody’s child
Nobody made you
It’s not what you stole, it’s what they gave you
In or out, you go
In your silence, your soul
Would you rather go unwilling?
The heart is full and now it’s spilling
Barreling down the steps
Only a moment left
In hind of sight no peace of mind
Where you begin and I’m defined
Daughter of unconscious fate
Time will tell, in spite of me
In hind of sight no peace of mind
Where it begins and we’ll be fine
Shadows bend and suddenly
The world becomes
And swallows me in, me in
Whistle to a friend
Gentle ’til the end
Any way in a name
She takes shape just the same

February 18, 2020

meh

Pretty uneventful day, work was work. Not a fan of the drive.

We’re kinda getting back to normal texting but nothing to comment about.

I figured out the code for the pricing so now I have the following;
*price per gram
*price per thc mg per gram
*price per cbd mg per gram


MUSIC: Editors – No Sound But The Wind

We can never go home
We no longer have one
I’ll help you carry the load
I’ll carry you in my arms
We walk through the ash
And the charred remains of our country
Keep an eye on my back
I’ll keep an eye on the road
Help me to carry the fire
To keep it alight together
Help me to carry the fire
This road won’t go on forever
If I say shut your eyes
If I say look away
Bury your face in my shoulder
Think of a birthday
The things you put in your head
They will stay there forever
I’m trying hard to hide your soul, son
From things it’s not meant to see

February 17, 2020

Family Day

eh?

Today didn’t yield much. Only a few texts which of the friend nature. She did however say ‘Goodnight hun’ but I’m probably putting way to much into the use of ‘hun’. I’ve been short answer with her for the most part.

Didn’t really do much but sat around and slept or napped. Work tomorrow, we’ll see what happens new location new partner. Not looking forward to the drive.

Kinda having a urge to write some code. Maybe I’ll finish that tracking app for ocs.ca

Ground Control to Major Tom

Ground Control to Major Tom

Take your protein pills

and put your helmet on

Ground Control to Major Tom

Commencing countdown,

engines on Check ignition

and may God’s love be with you

February 17, 2020

Beach House – PPP

Out in the heartland

I looked in your eyes

And I asked “Are you ready?

Ready for this life?”

Did you see it coming?

It happened so fast

The timing was perfect

Water on glass

Like tracing figure eights on ice in skates

Oh well

And if this ice should break it would be my

Mistake (my mistake)

Between the cities

Between the thrills

There’s something inside you

That doesn’t sleep well

It won’t last forever

Or maybe it will

The white clothes they gave you

You wear them so well…

I love this song because it perfectly captures the essence, the feeling of what it is to truly fall in love and have the realization that you are willing to risk almost anything for one person.

The song starts out by saying “Are you ready? Ready for this life?”, meaning the singer has realized she has reached a deep level of attachment in her relationship, maybe she’s thinking about children, or marriage.

But at the same time, she knows what she’s feeling isn’t permanent, and it could very well go the other way.

She’s “tracing figure eights”, or writing infinity signs, “on ice in skates”. In other words, she’s confident in saying her love is eternal, yet is keenly aware that her relationship has the inevitability of falling apart someday.

She’s skating on thin ice. It’s almost like marriage, in the way we make our vows saying we’ll spend our lives with another being, all the while we know we’re taking a risk, because it will end one day. And yet, we still fall hard, knowing fully that there is an expiration date to love, “It won’t last forever/ Or maybe it will” whether it be a break-up, separation, divorce, or death, we are so frail to this inevitable truth. Love dies, but we still let it consume us.

The song is called PPP because of the nature of love, the “Piss Poor Planning” aspect of it. We never expect to fall in love, but when it does, it is so strong, and so many of us are not ready for it.

I just adore the ending of the song because it’s such a cathartic embodiment of how exactly this feels, the madness of spending your life with one person, the craziness, the melancholia of possibly leaving them, and the never- ending joy of having another soul love you as much as you love them.

February 16, 2020

The Past Is Just A Story We Tell Ourselves

I knew my gut feeling was right.. Something was up. So This morning I got another “Not ready for another relationship” text. But we can still be friends apparently. Most of the day I ignored my phone and life. Around 9pm I noticed I had 3 text messages and a facebook message asking why I wasn’t answering her texts.

Eh? It’s alright for her to ghost me but after breaking up I can’t have time to myself. Also one her texts was asking me if I was “going to date someone else”. I don’t even want to think about that lady. wtf?

Of course I made the stupid mistake of watching the movie Her. Such a great movie but such bad timing on my part. Super depressed now lol. I also watched White House Down, meh it’s okay.

February 16, 2020

First real post I guess

Well, today (Saturday 2/15) was my second shift at the new job. It went better then the first. I wasn’t standing on my feet non-stop for 8 hours. My partner today at least spoke English. She wasn’t bad but not the best either.

As for my love life… I don’t know where I stand on that yet.. We barely spoke today after what I thought was a good First Valentines date being only 3 weeks into this relationship. The last few days have been very bi-polar almost. One minute shes talking to me and seems to be interested in us then the next shes very distant.

It all started Tuesday 2/11 when she texted while I was still asleep that she doesn’t think we can be together. After asking her why, was it something I did she said she just needs time. We talked and she stated she stilled loved me and cared for me and wanted to keep at it but slower.

So the rest of the week seemed good, We had dinner Wednesday night, talked a lot, Valentines was good then today I felt ghosted. Maybe she’s having second thoughts? I really don’t know.

Music: Peacock Affect – Who Cares If You Exist

Adding up all the pain
Left in your brain
It’s just another black day
Feeling alone and full of decay
Some skanky alchy’
Looking at me in an understanding way
Friends don’t exist
Friends don’t exist
No one’s going to give you a kiss
Who cares if you exist
Friends don’t exist
When you’re sat at home alone
You may is well be asleep for the week
I’m so weak
But some how I exist

February 15, 2020

Hello world!

I’ve created this site to store all the random shit in my head. I feel like I need a place to write things down. A dairy perhaps? While open to the public, I really don’t expect this to be read by anyone.